You know it’s true!

I was at my parent’s house for Easter weekend.  Like most of you Easter is a holiday for the three F’s:  Family, Food, and video games.  What’s that?  You don’t include video games?  And it doesn’t contain the letter F?  Screw it.  I was there to get my XBox360 on.

My younger brother, who I’m going to call Patrick because that’s his name, owns an XBox360.  His older brother, me, does not.  His XBox lives at my parents’ house for some reason while he lives in the San Francisco bay area for some other reason (presumably both reasons are witchcraft).  This is to my benefit.  From time to time while I’m at my parents’ house for some reason (again, witchcraft) I have been known to play a round or 12 of Mass Effect or Grand Theft Auto IV.  That’s me.

That’s just how I roll.

Imagine my surprise, then, when I discover this weekend that the Xbox is missing.  Vanished!  Stolen by a a cabal of witches, no doubt.  After torturing the neighbors for several hours it turned out that last thought was false.  Oh well.  Sorry about the fingers, neighbors.  Instead, it seems that Patrick had his XBox sent back to him at his apartment in the San Francisco bay area.  Poppycock, I say.  POPPYCOCK!  That isn’t even a real place!  Needless to say Easter was ruined.

For everyone.

Everywhere.

Children in China were devastated, I didn’t get my XBOX360 on, and Jesus was crying because that’s how things work.  Good work, Patrick, if that’s your real name, but maybe now you’ll remember that third F: Geoff.  Don’t ask how that works just accept its genius as is.  What I’m trying to say is, “Gimme your XBOX.  Now.”

Happy Easter.